getting somewhere

This week was one of a kind (in a good and bad way). I’ve done much more thinking since last week’s class and I have to say… I’m getting the feeling this could be something (good).

I’ll start with the good. At the beginning of the week, I was still walking, still thinking and writing (a little less than last week but I’ll hold out grace… it was a busy week).

Working at College Steps this semester (which, for those who don’t know, is a program that supports students with disabilities as they aim to become matriculated here at Kean), has been pretty fulfilling. Inspiring even.

This past week, one of the lead mentors suggested to one of the program coordinators that I should hold a writing workshop during one of the free periods of the day. I, of course, was happy to accept because in the weeks leading up to that moment, I already had an inkling I would be exploring that space as a possible route for my thesis project.

That idea was supported even further by my liking of bell hooks the past week.

But all my thinking was put to a halt as I awoke Friday morning with a sore throat and a flood warning. I was sleepy and sick all weekend, praying I wouldn’t have to get up to help carry all the things from my basement upstairs (We’re victims of Hurricane Sandy and Ida).

I’m looking forward to how tonight’s class may help with the unraveling of my mind. Till then 🙂

adamari 9/28/2026

Blog 2: Getting the wheels turning a little

Before I give an update, I want to be totally transparent. Was this the most productive week I could have had? No. Did I use my time wisely at every opportunity? No. Does that mean this week was a total waste No. Can we do better going forward? YES. With that out of the way lets get the wheels turning. This is accountability class so I wanted to just be honest.

This week had some ups and downs. Early in the week,I didn’t put enough focus on this project as I should have. Its still too early to really know what true progress is but I know I could have done more. Later in the week I was able to really kick things in gear and get to a point that I feel like I made up for wasted time. I guess I needed to get back in the swing of things before I could really lock in. Its pretty ironic considering that one of the things I wanted to key in on with this project was my time management skills. Procrastination been a bad habit that I just haven’t been able to full get out of but it is what it is. I feel like the back half of my week was much better I and think I made a little bit of a break through. I see the issues with my workflow and I have to address them in order to make this project the best it can be. Bumps in the road can’t stop this journey just yet

As I went over my past research proposal I looked over a lot of the research I did last semester. While i liked the topic of my proposal, i felt that I wanted to take a bigger look at academic support and what it requires to help student succeed overall. As I looked over my work, one major concept kept popping up: Barriers. Much of the literature that I read either mentioned it intentionally or indirectly. The barriers to support for students is major piece to the puzzle I’m trying to figure out. Before academic support can be transformative, certain things need to align in regards to the student and tutor/advisor/professor. Technological, psychological, and academic barriers have to be addressed along the way before we can get students on track. Within the context of a University writing centers this topic really piques my interest. I don’t have it all figured out just yet, but I feel like I’m getting closer to where i want to take this project.

Looking towards next week I want to begin collecting things for the lit review. With the barriers surrounding support for students being my starting point. I want to really explore some of the literature to see where I can fit into the overall narrative. With this I want to continue to work on a mind-map centered on the Technological, psychological, and academic barriers students face. Walking those concepts out will be very fruitful for me in the long run. Another goal for this week is also outlining my experiences with the writing center. Since I want to put an autoethnograpic element into this project, its time to really to start clearly organizing my thoughts and seeing where “barriers” might fit into my own personal story. Lastly, my presentation is on the horizon and I’m gonna need something to show all of you guys. While I obviously won’t have much to show since we are so early in the game, I do want to really want to talk about our creative processes in terms of this project.

There is a lot on my plate right now but I know we all do. Not really sure how it all will balance out, but I do know one thing. Next weeks coming either way so I gotta keep chipping away at it. Rome was not built in a day, but I sure wish it was. See ya’ll in class.

Sailing the Seven Seas

Disclaimer: For all intents and purposes, especially for the purposes of a legal matter, all of the following is a joke. Again, any references to any hypothetical theft, piracy, or crimes (punishable by law within the fifty states of the United States of America) are purely hypothetical scenarios made in jest in order to entertain an audience. The persons and events in this blog are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons or events is unintentional. Please don’t sue or arrest me. I’m broke and too pretty for jail.

Anywhoseits, on a completely unrelated note, I refuse to pay the NYT, or any other major news corporation for that matter, any amount of money in order to read a document. (And before you say anything, the writers have already been paid! Any money I hypothetically did not spend on the subscription would have gone to the the shareholders and upper management.) It’s also just so much fun. If you wonder where I get this sentiment from, please watch the video below. 

In order to circumvent this, I may have, possibly, allegedly, hypothetically, stolen a bunch of articles for my thesis. I currently, may, have about 45 articles hidden in a google drive folder. I definitely didn’t do this by clicking on the article then hitting command+A before the paywall arose. And I would never open up a blank google doc and paste everything into that. And I most certainly didn’t go through each article to get rid of the ads and find more victims articles. I definitely wouldn’t recommend anyone do the same. 

“Freedom is so much the essence of man that even its opponents implement it while combating its reality; they want to appropriate for, themselves as a most precious ornament what they have rejected as an ornament of human nature.” -Karl Marx

How’d that get there?

Now that I have finished my, entirely hypothetical, warning of what not to do when finding sources, let me get to what I have actually done. 

So, for those who don’t know, my plan is to write a speculative horror fiction anthology focusing on the impact LLMs are having within writing centric spaces. I am drawing inspiration from works like Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale, Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone, and The News (Dun Dun duhhhh). By “The News” I mean that I only want to use events that have already happened or have a foundation in things already happening, similar to the approach Atwood took to Handmaid’s Tale.

““Somebody asked me on Twitter recently, ‘How do you come up with this shit?’ My answer was, ‘It’s not me who has come up with it, it’s the human race over the past 4,000 years.’” – Margaret Atwood

The section I am working on right now hits particularly close to home. The chapter follows a teacher who, over the course of a year, is replaced by the very AI she trained. There are a few precedents I am drawing on as inspiration for this story.

  1. There is a large push in the education field to integrate AI into both our professional practices and the classroom. We are being told to use programs like Chat and Magic school to create resources, lesson plans, and activities for our classroom. At the same time, they are telling us to have students use AI chat rooms for activities and project creation. 
  2. Earlier this year, Melania Trump praised AI in the field of education and suggested that it could/should replace teachers in the classroom. (Which is ironic, coming from one of two first ladies who hasn’t completed a degree since 1897.)
  3. While Linda McMahon disagrees that teachers should be replaced, she does cosign that it should be integrated into the curriculum and classroom environment. (Also ironic, considering the fact that she has never actually taught a class.)

My general virtial for the government aside, the move towards AI being a staple in the classroom is terrifying. 

So the plan is to draw on that sense of dread that I experience that keeps me up every night, staring into the dark abyss, contemplating my existence. Write what you know and what not. 

I want to give a special shout out to Dr. Sisler! Dr. Sisler has helped me a lot with establishing a basis for the research. She was nice enough to send me some links to articles (for legal purposes, these links are completely unrelated to any links mentioned in the prior, completely made up, story.) that really helped when it came down to a starting point for the research. 

I’m having fun writing it, so far, and I’m excited for what the other stories have in store. 

Until next time, Dear Reader.

Too much to do with disabilities

I kinda started TRYING to narrow down what I wanted to do, but that backfired. I looked at so many lists of characters with disabilities, and there is a ton to do there. Everyone has their own idea of what a disability is. I am using Marvel, which I thought would limit things, but then I realized just how crazy things could get. For I WAS going to try and keep things simple. Focus on blind, deaf, amputees, and deformities. I realized I didn’t really have enough characters on my own for those categories. For blind, I could only really think of Daredevil. Deaf, I got Hawkeye and Echo. Amputees included Bucky, Echo again, Dr. Connors, and Nebula. Deformaties I was thinking Thing and Dr. Doom.

But looking at lists I realized that everyone has their own ideas, not to mention how complicated things get depending on which version of the character you use.

For variety in lists, some lists presented a great idea I didn’t think of, science experiments going wrong. I knew Dr. Connors becomes the lizard with a “failed” science experiment (technically the guy did get his arm back, but he becomes a lizard to do so… so… failed??). But there were other people who did science experiments that got crazy, so do I make that a list?
It would be an interesting topic, that people with disabilities go intense with trying to fix themselves to the point they change. That could be an interesting argument, showing the connection with disabilities and lab “accidents”.

There was also mentions of cancer. Like Jane Foster, who I knew gets cancer, but to me that isn’t a disability. I mean it does kill her, she is sick from it, but she also kinda in a way kills herself by using Thor’s powers and speeding up the cancer. So, is that a disability or just a misuse of power? Getting into tricky waters with that one.

And then people had Black Widow on their lists for having a hysterectomy. This was forced though? Like I would maybe consider it if she couldn’t have children based on her body not being able to, but to consider it based on the fact that she had a forced hysterectomy due to her awful spy program… That is a bit of a stretch to me. But does that count? Having a surgery, making you unable to do things others can? Now this is why I am including what the disabled community says on these characters. Cause not being able to have children is not what I think of when I think of disabled, which could be a whole other conversation on what people even think is disabled. My own bias of not wanting children could be impacting me to not include this on the list, but this is proving how complicated things can get.

For, to counter my own point of how Black Widow had a forced hysterectomy, we can’t just make disabilities things you are born with. That gets rid of like every one on my list. Daredevil wasn’t born blind, Bucky and Dr. Connors lost limbs in a war, Hawkeye lost hearing due to fighting in so many wars, Thing got his rock skin from being in space, heck even Professor X wasn’t wheelchair bound at birth. None of the people I have put on my own list had their disabilities at birth. Some mutants do, like Nightcrawler, which is a whooole other thing. If we do talk about mutants, they are all basically disabled, having so many changes to what we consider a “normal” human body. Some have wings, others have blue skin, some have less fingers, some have more limbs, it gets really crazy. I could just count that all as deformities, but truly we get into such crazy stuff with all of that.

Also the stories chosen depend on the disability the character sees. Like how Hawkeye is deaf in some stories but hard of hearing in others. To help out with this I might just change the categories to be “vision impairment” and “hearing impairment” which would also help to add more to the lists. Like with the vision impairment I can add Nick Furry or other characters with eyepatches. Maybe even include Cyclops because of being forced to see in red. Could also add “movement changes” as a big category. Includes amputees, those who are wheelchair bound in various ways, people with limps or needing to use crutches, or even characters like Doctor Octopus who uses a bunch of metal arms to move around.

Most of the lists I have found have been heroes or side characters, a small fraction of the lists others have made have been villains. Now, I also can’t think of too many disabled villains, but also who is counted as a villain? The Winter Solider is a villain, but Bucky is a hero, so do I include him on both the villain and hero side of things? Nebula is also both a hero and a villain. Are villains those that kill, but then what counts as killing because the Avengers have destroyed New York countless times in trying to fight bad guys. But maybe also there aren’t many villains with disabilities.
If I find that out, I might have to do diabilies seen in Marvel (to the best I can show that) and THEN disabilities seen in horror films. Those are kinda villains, just in a different genre than the superhero one. But, using the horror films would help show the disability tropes at large, and how disabilities “can be” scary.

The problem with my thesis is there is way too much going on with disabilities. Doing the horror films might be a whole other paper, but honestly any of this could be a separate paper. Like I think I am going to avoid deep diving into mental disabilities for that opens up way too much. I can’t even decide if cancer counts as a disability, I doubt I would be able to figure out what mental illnesses count as a disability. If they all do, that is soooo much to cover in one paper.

So the focus is still Marvel’s disability representation. Vision impairment, hearing impairment, and movement changes (might change the titles later, who knows). I will be seeing how these characters react to their disabilities and the conversation around that. I know the Hawkeye show demonstrated how hesitant he was to getting help with his hearing loss and how others judged him for not trying to get that help. Not learning sign language or getting hearing aids. But also studying the conversation around all that is going to be interesting. Did the hearing loss community feel like the show and the characters did them justice? This is what I want to focus on. Showing what Marvel does with disabilities and how the communities feel about it. Then use all of that to make my own story of superheroes with disabilities.

Not sure what to do with the villain aspect, if people just don’t pay attention to villains or if there is a lack of villains with disabilities. The horror stuff is very interesting, might have to be a separate thing. Not sure because I do want to show the dark side of disability representation in media, how “monsterous” or “scary” people make disabilities. But also just focusing on the villains we do get to see is interesting in itself, as the ones I have found are amputees, deformed, or science gone wrong. Haven’t really found “calm” disabilities with the villains yet, but I got more searching to do. Gotta lot of thinking to do. Might have to make my own list of disabilities which would be hard to do because I don’t want to be bias and discount disabilities, or count things in the wrong way. I would have to explain my choices in disabilities and characters, but some of the fan made lists do a terrible job at explaining why they put characters on the lists. It is all a little complicated right now, but at least I have a direction to go in. Things will find its place, I trust that.

rocks in the road

Week 2 Update

So, this week has been a very productive week for me. Well, actually, it’s just been “a week.”

I don’t even know where to start, so I think I’m going to use some images.

So, let’s start with Tuesday. Tuesday was fine, we had a PLC meeting, and I was able to get out of lunch duty. Honestly, mood. Then Wednesday comes… Uh oh, Back to School Night! So somehow, from 12 – 3:30 and then from 4:30 – 6:30, I’m supposed to have free time. Somehow, I ended up only being able to get one week’s worth of lesson plans done, and I also cleaned my classroom.

But Thursday… I was running on 1%. I was tired, I was barely functioning. I was trying so hard to make it through the day. And on top of that, Dr. Libbey and I were trying to figure out how to get our IRB stuff submitted. Once I figured it out, I had to go back and revise all of my documents, because they needed the Kean Letterhead. Then I needed to make a consent form… Okay cool. Bell rings for 7th period. UGHHHH. Now I realize I’m going to be staying past contract hours. Let’s just say, Thursday was nothing compared to Friday…

My thesis asks me to consider how college instructors teach writing.

Meanwhile, I work in a middle school.

This week, I had one of those days where “English teacher” somehow turned into teacher, substitute support, conflict mediator, crowd control, and—briefly—someone who probably looked far more authoritative than I actually am.

At one point, I realized my department supervisor had witnessed some of the chaos. My immediate thought was: Well, if nothing else, I hope this counts toward Domain 4.

The funniest moment came when, under an incredible amount of stress, I took charge of a situation involving a large group of students. It worked beautifully… until I looked around and realized some of the staff probably had absolutely no idea who I was.

Sorry! I promise I’m a teacher! 😭

So, while my academic life currently asks, “How do college instructors teach writing?” my middle-school life has recently been asking, “Can everyone please just calm down?”

Writing pedagogy will have to wait. I’m trying to prevent a war over here.

The thesis continues.

Anyways, onto my actual update.

Status Update

  • Literature Review – 50%??
    • Introduction – 100% Completed
    • Literature Review Section – 2/25 Sources & Annotations Completed
    • Methodology & Analysis – 100% Completed
  • IRB Approval Process – 50%?
    • Application Submitted
  • Living Project Description – Ongoing
    • 100% Up-to-Date
  • Faculty Letter – 100%
    • 100% Completed
  • Consent Form, Pre-Observation Form, Evaluation Models, all Completed

Overall, I think I am in a very good spot for my Thesis. For my presentation, I think I will share a brief overview of the evaluation models, my reflection forms, my pre-observation forms, and my project description.

It has been amazing working with Dr. Libbey. Honestly, she’s one of the coolest, down-to-earth professors I’ve ever met.

On Our Way

It was great to check in again earlier this week and get this proverbial ball rolling.

As mentioned in class, please remember the importance of the Library aka the Kean University Learning Commons in terms of resources for developing your thesis. We will connect with Craig Anderson on 11/2 for an online workshop. As always, I encourage you to try a few other workshops offered there in support of your ongoing academic work. It is always a good idea to get to know a librarian or two at Kean, while you work on your thesis and other projects overall.

Here are the agenda slides from last class:

We have already settled the presentation calendar together, and last night I referred to the concept of an Early Proposal. Please remember that by mid-October you should have your own (in-progress) Early Proposal document. This will be something you will work on continuously until the close of the semester. Between mid-October and mid- December it will transform from a “shell” early proposal into a formal thesis proposal.

I also refreshed your memory about the on-going practices that are key to your thesis work overall – some free-writing, mind mapping, and some possible reading/research. Each week, remember to generate lists, and re-engage your own process of discovery and invention, and map out your work for the week with the end goal post in mind.

Next week we will discuss the process of a developing an ongoing Lit Review, and you will continue to support each other in some peer-group conversations in our MA thesis class. You should have each settled upon your own working plan of for this coming week (remember the power of freewriting, mind mapping, and reading/research/note taking). You should now be developing a sense of your own individual benchmark goals. Please blog about that, and your actual progress over the course of this coming week. Write about you have been able to accomplish, and what is new in the process.

I will see you next week in class!

I thought I could paint it red, but I couldn’t find enough goats…so I scrapped it

If you get the reference, Dear Reader, you have my respect.

So, full transparency, I was completely lost on what I was going to do for my thesis.

I had a few vague ideas but when I was sitting in that first class my view kind of shifted on what I wanted to do. Initially I was thinking of doing something that I found more challenging; the plan was to write an existential horror fiction. But I couldn’t figure out how that could tie into what I want to do professionally or what that kind of research would look like.

So I scrapped that idea.

I looked back at the thesis proposal I wrote, it was how algospeak impacts our perception of information. While I do have more of a foundation for where I could take this research, I’m not sure if that is really something I want to spend a crazy amount of time on. I also couldnt see how that ties into my job or career goals.

So I scrapped that idea.

Then their was the piece I was working on during the writers retreat. It was a horror cookbook. It was a pretty narrative heavy story but each story centered on a recipe. It kind of was supposed to be reminiscent of those food blogs that tells a whole story before it gets to the actual recipe. I was quickly running out of recipes that I felt comfortable remaking (ingredients are pricey) and I wanted it to work as a cookbook too, so the recipes would actually have to be on point.

So I scrapped that idea.

I have a bunch of writing ideas/prompts that I put down on a note for ideas over the years so I opened it and went through what I had written down.

A murder mystery that take place on a lovecraftian train (Murder on the Oriental Express meets Infinity Train)

Nah.

A YA Urban Fantasy about 2 black kids (The daughter of a witch and the don of a demon hunter) being framed by a white witch and her cop husband.

Nah.

I very quickly ran through my list of prompts.

It was time to consult a real one.

So I turned on my voice memos and started ranting.

After 15 minutes, I realized… I wasn’t actually recording anything.

I started again, with a lot of the fluff out of the way.

I talked about my goals, realistically considering how far I was actually willing to take them. The plan is to shoot for an ELA department district supervisor as a 9-5, and teach college courses at nights. As far as my education goes, I currently see at least 1 MFA, 1-2 Phd(s), and for gits and shiggles, I might just knock out a psych major (I only need 5 undergrad classes for it), but that’s just me being extra.

With that being said, I wanted to do something with relevance to both my teaching career and a field that is prominent and evolving. It didn’t take long to conclude AI would be a good topic to center in on. I deal with it in my PD’s as it intergrates more and more into our jobs. Since it is still evolving rapidly, I can see a lot of space in the research I could conduct. And of course, as a writer, I have very violent strong feelings about AI.

With the topic being chosen, I just had to figure out how I was going to approach the subject. I still wanted to do research but I really wanted to do something creative. I just find it easier and more enjoyable to write. So I played with a couple ideas but I finally settled on an anthology fiction piece that draws on real events and research (kind of like Black Mirror meets Handmaids Tail).

Dr. Sisler and Dr. Z have both given me some reading reccomendations so I will be making my way through those soon!

Since you made it all this way, the least I can do is give you some kind of treat.

The following is the rough dedication (cause all the best stories have dedications):

How does one contest with their own finality? 

How does one hear the rolling wheels of change over the cries of the countless left in their wake. Their blood, sweat, and tears acting as lubricant for the impending “well oiled machine” that harbinges their demise.

How does one find the sun and stars when the sky is blocked by the looming shadow of the grave? 

To those who will create a universe in the dark sand

Until next time, Dear Reader.

Hold the Applause

Hello again! Please don’t clap. At this point, I think we all know who I am, so I will spare everyone another introduction. I’m Nas, I’m working on a thesis about care, labor, intimacy, and all the complicated things that happen when those ideas collide, and somehow I am getting dangerously close to actually finishing this thing.

Right now, I am almost finished with Part I of my thesis, which focuses on close readings and care studies. I have been working through my primary texts while thinking about care as labor, emotional investment, time, sacrifice, and something that can be both deeply intimate and deeply exhausting. I started it during our “rat summer,” and I’m still gong. My goal is to have Part I completed before the end of September. For once, that deadline actually feels realistic, which I am choosing not to question too much.

My independent study with Dr. Giunta is also giving me the space to be intentional about what comes next. Once Part I is finished, I want October to be dedicated primarily to my autoethnographic piece. This is the part I am both excited about and slightly terrified to write because it asks me to move from analyzing other people’s stories of care into examining my own. I know it will require a different kind of vulnerability than the analytical section, but I also think it may ultimately become one of the most meaningful parts of the project.

Then comes November and Part III. My goal is to spend that month developing the final portion of the thesis so that by the last few weeks of the semester, I am no longer trying to produce entirely new sections. Ideally, those final weeks will be reserved for revision, restructuring, making connections across the three parts, and probably staring at sentences I have read 47 times wondering if they are still written in English.

For now, though, I feel good about where I am. There is still a lot to write, rethink, cut, add, and inevitably overthink, but the thesis is beginning to feel less like this giant abstract project I have been talking about forever and more like an actual body of work that is taking shape. September is for finishing Part I. October belongs to autoethnography. November belongs to Part III. And then, hopefully, I revise my way across the finish line.

It’s Sunday Afternoon

And I’m sitting in bed feeling a bit anxious about what this semester may look like (I’m greeting this feeling as just part of the process!)

We’re now walking into week four of the Fall semester (which, by the way, has already felt like such a whirlwind). At this moment, it feels as though for the first time, I’ve gotten myself to sit down and (finally) start threading together all the things I’ve pondered this past week.

But first, a little context as to where I’m at:

Last Monday, I entered class feeling a little uneasy. A big portion of that uneasiness was related to the fact that upon revisiting my research proposal, I noticed I couldn’t find a trace of myself in the research question I spent eons uncovering last semester:

How do audiences on TikTok reward performative intellectualism?

As much as this topic mesmerized me in the Spring, and as omnipresent as it feels in our everyday interactions with social media, there’s just somethinggggg about it that doesn’t fit. It’s like a disconnect (I’ll continue to revisit it with different lenses and update you again if anything’s changed).

Anywayyyyy… as difficult as it is to accept… I must be open to starting again.

On Tuesday, I woke up and got ready a bit earlier than usual with plans of a mindful walk prior to a day full of distractions. I remembered Ava telling me that during her time in the M.A. program she walked laps around the fountain by the STEM building. So, I decided to follow in her footsteps. 

I walked with my earbuds in, trying my best to focus on what my body and mind were feeling. After a couple laps, I sat down. It was windy. I only had another 30 or so minutes before I had to head to work, so I wrote a poem. Part of it read:

“…I’ll find the same grace of the leaves who allow themselves to be hurled endlessly for the sake of finally settling into the dirt.”

Not necessarily my cleanest work, but it definitely spoke the words of my heart’s desires. I understood what it meant. I should allow myself to be swept in different directions. Try this, try that. And, only that way, will I settle into my purpose.

As the days passed, I continued this practice a couple more times. It was hard. Hard to get myself to think strictly about my thesis. My mind would literally think of any way out of thinking of the matter. There was one night my sister joined. We spent a majority of that walk playing guess the number I’m thinking of (I won).

But in a way going on walks with the base intention of being mindful and, most importantly, acting without judgement, placed somewhere else emotionally. It put me somewhere more level-headed. So much so, I felt less anxious even approaching writing this blog (one where I have to explain/express to my classmates where I’m at).

Thoughts are brewing. Connections are being made. They aren’t at their final point (yet). And yes… I’m nervous and have doubts about my abilities. Still, I’ll get there.

I’ll end with a quote from a piece of media I always come back to:

“…Write about your own experience. By that experience someone else may be a bit richer some day. Read widely of others experiences in thought and action- stretch to others even though it hurts to and strains and would be more comfortable to snuggle back in the comforting cotton-wool of blissful ignorance! Hurl yourself at goals above your head and bear the lacerations that come when you slip and make a fool of yourself. Try always, as long as you have breath in your body, to take the hard way, the Spartan way- and work, work, work to build yourself into a rich, continually evolving entity!” 

– Sylvia Plath, Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Here are some of the prompts I gave myself:

  • What are some things you read this year? What connects them?
  • What are three pieces of media you compulsively come back to? What do they share?
  • What do you care about?

Adamari 9/21/2026