Tag Archives: life

Student Blogs

Finally Getting to the Good Part

Part I of my thesis was supposed to be completed by the beginning of October, and although I am slightly behind where I originally hoped to be, I finally feel like I am moving into the part of this process that I have been most excited about. Getting through theory is always difficult for me. I understand how necessary it is, especially for grounding the arguments I want to make, but working through theoretical material takes a different kind of attention than analyzing the texts themselves. Now that I have made it through much of that foundation, I can finally turn more of my attention toward analyzing my readings and source material.

This is the part I have been looking forward to because I genuinely love these pieces in different ways and could probably speak about each of them endlessly. Ironically, that has also made the process more difficult. The challenge has not been figuring out what I want to say, but deciding what I should not say. I had to narrow my focus and choose specific sections of the episode and readings that will allow me to develop the argument without trying to analyze everything at once. I finally feel like I have made those decisions, which has made the writing feel much more manageable.

My goal is to have this section completed by the end of the week. Now that I have submitted all of my students’ grades, I have intentionally designated time and attention specifically for my thesis. I am realizing that this semester requires me to be much more deliberate about protecting that time.

For some reason, all of the semesters before this one seemed easier to manage. This school year has only just begun, and I already feel tired and somewhat burnt out. Part of that may be because I have more than forty additional students compared to last year, along with juniors who somehow already seem to have developed senioritis. Balancing teaching, grading, planning, and my own graduate work has definitely been more demanding than I anticipated.

Still, December is slowly approaching, and I can finally see the end of the tunnel. There is something motivating about knowing that I am getting closer not only to completing this section, but to completing the degree itself. For now, I am trying to focus less on how exhausted I feel and more on the fact that I have finally reached the part of the thesis that reminds me why I chose this project in the first place.

Student Blogs

I thought I could paint it red, but I couldn’t find enough goats…so I scrapped it

If you get the reference, Dear Reader, you have my respect.

So, full transparency, I was completely lost on what I was going to do for my thesis.

I had a few vague ideas but when I was sitting in that first class my view kind of shifted on what I wanted to do. Initially I was thinking of doing something that I found more challenging; the plan was to write an existential horror fiction. But I couldn’t figure out how that could tie into what I want to do professionally or what that kind of research would look like.

So I scrapped that idea.

I looked back at the thesis proposal I wrote, it was how algospeak impacts our perception of information. While I do have more of a foundation for where I could take this research, I’m not sure if that is really something I want to spend a crazy amount of time on. I also couldnt see how that ties into my job or career goals.

So I scrapped that idea.

Then their was the piece I was working on during the writers retreat. It was a horror cookbook. It was a pretty narrative heavy story but each story centered on a recipe. It kind of was supposed to be reminiscent of those food blogs that tells a whole story before it gets to the actual recipe. I was quickly running out of recipes that I felt comfortable remaking (ingredients are pricey) and I wanted it to work as a cookbook too, so the recipes would actually have to be on point.

So I scrapped that idea.

I have a bunch of writing ideas/prompts that I put down on a note for ideas over the years so I opened it and went through what I had written down.

A murder mystery that take place on a lovecraftian train (Murder on the Oriental Express meets Infinity Train)

Nah.

A YA Urban Fantasy about 2 black kids (The daughter of a witch and the don of a demon hunter) being framed by a white witch and her cop husband.

Nah.

I very quickly ran through my list of prompts.

It was time to consult a real one.

So I turned on my voice memos and started ranting.

After 15 minutes, I realized… I wasn’t actually recording anything.

I started again, with a lot of the fluff out of the way.

I talked about my goals, realistically considering how far I was actually willing to take them. The plan is to shoot for an ELA department district supervisor as a 9-5, and teach college courses at nights. As far as my education goes, I currently see at least 1 MFA, 1-2 Phd(s), and for gits and shiggles, I might just knock out a psych major (I only need 5 undergrad classes for it), but that’s just me being extra.

With that being said, I wanted to do something with relevance to both my teaching career and a field that is prominent and evolving. It didn’t take long to conclude AI would be a good topic to center in on. I deal with it in my PD’s as it intergrates more and more into our jobs. Since it is still evolving rapidly, I can see a lot of space in the research I could conduct. And of course, as a writer, I have very violent strong feelings about AI.

With the topic being chosen, I just had to figure out how I was going to approach the subject. I still wanted to do research but I really wanted to do something creative. I just find it easier and more enjoyable to write. So I played with a couple ideas but I finally settled on an anthology fiction piece that draws on real events and research (kind of like Black Mirror meets Handmaids Tail).

Dr. Sisler and Dr. Z have both given me some reading reccomendations so I will be making my way through those soon!

Since you made it all this way, the least I can do is give you some kind of treat.

The following is the rough dedication (cause all the best stories have dedications):

How does one contest with their own finality? 

How does one hear the rolling wheels of change over the cries of the countless left in their wake. Their blood, sweat, and tears acting as lubricant for the impending “well oiled machine” that harbinges their demise.

How does one find the sun and stars when the sky is blocked by the looming shadow of the grave? 

To those who will create a universe in the dark sand

Until next time, Dear Reader.

Student Blogs

Building my Lit Review

This week I focused on reading more intentionally for my thesis and paying attention to which sources actually support the argument I am trying to build. I am working toward framing the politics of care, especially the tension between care as labor and care as intimacy, and I am starting to see that not every strong source is the right source for this specific project.

One of the first readings, The Politics of Care by  Woodly, Brown, Marin, Threadcraft, Harris, Syedullah, Ticktin (2021), felt promising at first because it discussed care in broad, political terms. It spoke about the importance of centering care in society and rethinking how we value caregiving. While those ideas align with my interests, the source remained too general for the direction my thesis is taking. I am not only arguing that care matters. I am examining how care becomes complicated when it is paid for, outsourced, racialized, and embedded in systems of capital. I need sources that move beyond celebration and into structure. I need language that helps me analyze power, contracts, emotional labor, and the unequal recognition of intimacy.

In contrast, Professional caring in affective services: the ambivalence of emotional nurture in practice by Niall Hanlon directly support the framework I am building. Hanlon examines how emotional care is central to caregiving but often marginalized within professional systems that prioritize efficiency, measurement, and instrumental tasks. This distinction between instrumental care and relational care speaks directly to my project. It helps me articulate how caregiving can be treated as a service while still functioning as an intimate emotional relationship. That tension is at the heart of immigrant nannying and outsourced motherhood.

Hanlon’s discussion of emotional labor and the difference between care and love is especially useful. Care can be commodified; love cannot. Yet in many caregiving relationships, particularly with children, the boundaries blur. A nanny may be paid, but the child’s attachment is not transactional. This is where the politics of care becomes visible. The contract may end, but the emotional imprint does not. That distinction gives me analytical language to examine how care operates both as labor within capitalism and as intimacy within lived experience.

This week clarified something important for me, and something we spoke about collectively last week. Securing sources for this thesis is not about gathering as many readings as possible. It is about identifying scholarship that can hold the complexity of what I am studying. For my project, that means sources that address:

  • The feminization and racialization of care labor
  • The global and economic structures that produce outsourced caregiving
  • Emotional labor and professional boundaries
  • The tension between contractual obligation and emotional attachment

As I continue building my literature review, I am becoming more selective. I am looking for sources that allow me to examine care not just as a moral good, but as a political, economic, and emotional structure. The more I refine what I need, the clearer my thesis direction becomes.