All posts by teetheeslit12

So many feelings…

It’s Sunday at 7pm and I have no idea where to start — with this blog or my thesis. 

It’s very daunting to think I have to complete my thesis and literature review all by the end of the semester. I know I can do it, but I need to develop a realistic plan. 

I’m setting a five-minute timer and free writing my thoughts right here in this blog…

Anxious GIFs | Tenor

Ok. So I am 100% the person who will wake up with a gnawing feeling of anxiety every single day because I know I have a self-made deadline looming over my head. This panic state of mind is putting me in a state of procrastination. I also suffer from perfectionism to some degree, so until my thesis is perfectly completed, I will have a hard time concentrating on anything else. 

Now that I listed all my problems lol it’s time to think of a solution that will work for me. I can’t waste another week. As far as anxiety, I feel like it will go away as long as I have a plan and follow it. Ok so I don’t know if this is a good plan but I really feel like I need to concentrate on one thing at a time. If I put too much on my plate I’ll panic. So I think I will focus on just my thesis for the month of February, and whenever I get a chance, whenever I run across sources, I’ll make a list for my literature review. Then in March, I can entirely focus on my literature review, April go back to the thesis, and May goes back to the literature review. And hopefully have 80 percent of it all done before this class ends. Then the time I have in between the end of this class the summer class, I can tie up loose ends.

END RANT.

This feels practical for me. No more troubleshooting, this is what I’m going with.

On a brighter note, I was able to edit the fifteen pages that I had, and now I am going to spend the evening drafting the next part I had already outlined.

Getting back into the swing of things

As I sit here on the beautiful snowy Sunday morning sipping my warm cup of chai, I have no idea what to write. I’m usually good at getting back on the grind, but I’ve gotten a tad too comfortable after a semester off. I told myself I’d try to work on my thesis during the time off, but of course, I accomplished nothing of that sort. 

During my time off, I shuffled through the idea of changing my thesis project. After two years of being a pandemic teacher, I feel like I have many insights to share. But deep in my heart, I know the project I started is very dear to me, and I want to complete it. So, after plenty of debates with my mind and my heart, I have decided to stick to the plan. 

The hardest part about this memoir is gathering anecdotes from my father. He’s always keen on sharing stories of his life, the glorious ones only, not so much the tragic ones. Not that I want to write some sob story, but I just want to write an honest one. I kept blaming writer’s block for why I wouldn’t go back to my thesis for some time, but now I know it’s just been fear—the knot of fear in my stomach that I will never write something wholesome or be able to ask my father the pressing questions needed to complete this project. 

*Insert break here

I took a quick break and free-wrote about my fears. It felt really goooood to release my feelings, and it’s like the knot in my stomach has loosened a little. So I think the plan is simple, get out of my own head and write. 

I will revisit the fifteen or so pages I have and revise this upcoming week. I also have a plan for where I want to take the story next, so I am hoping to draft that portion of the story this week. I also want to compile a thorough list of my sources for the literature review. 

Baby steps, easing into the swing of things…