In The Language of Race and Ethnicity class, the first reading we did was “We Aren’t Here to Learn What We Already Know”. I was impacted by this article for many reasons; it is a great resource for figuring out how to think deeply about content you have to engage with, and an excellent model for how to come up with critical questions. But what spoke the most to me was when Wazana Tompkins talks about feelings and how they relate to critical thinking and discourse:
“…your intuitions and feelings are what will lead you to original insight but they are not a substitute for thinking and working hard…movement, from individual intuition or feeling, or even memory to analytic or critical intervention in larger structural issues is the movement that I try to model again and again…Less me; more us. Less me-search, more research.”
She relates this dynamic to the role of the teacher, but she is also trying to get at the balance that has to come with engaging with issues that hit a personal note but need a critical (i.e. distanced and objective) eye. The idea is that better critical thinking and engagement with an issue will occur as a result of our efforts to look beyond ourselves to the bigger picture.
I’m going to be real with you and say I’ve most definitely been more in “me-search” the last few weeks than research when it comes to my thesis. Which is strange because I started out with what I felt like was a personal yet distanced (if not objective) approach to the topic of trauma informed care. Yes, I chose the topic from personal experience and my work with college students, but my interest in the topic was very theory focused and in the realm of the academic or clinical.
But the more I leaned towards turning my thesis into something personal along with the academic, the more I have begun to lose myself in it. Which is ironic because I am finding myself in a way I haven’t been able to in years. Though I am finding this to be personally enriching, I am finding myself getting further away from the part of my thesis that I have labeled “lofty policy” and this scares me. I don’t want to navel gaze with this project and just have it be important to me. I want it to mean something outside of myself because of the importance it has to me, not in spite of it.
My thesis progress report:
- I am having ideas for the personal part of my thesis that make me excited to a degree that I rarely feel about school assignments.
- I am considering structuring this project around a religious theme I’m not ready to reveal yet because it feels too vulnerable and I’m not 100% about it. The religious elements keep coming to me so strongly and it is so intimately connected to my experience of care that I almost can’t get away from it if I pursue a personal side to the topic of trauma informed care.
- Tennessee Williams’ The Night of the Iguana is finding its way back into my life, and it sets the ‘stage’ (ha) for my discussion of the reality of care verses the “fantastic”. This play has been in my life since I was 18 and has meant so much to me; I feel elated at having it find its way back into my life in a meaningful way, and I am fascinated by the fact that because I am older and have gone through more, it has taken on new meaning. It may be a “darling” I have to kill, but I’m going to roll with it for now and see what comes of it.
- One idea that came to me for organizing everything within a “versions of care” theme is to do something like:
- The first section would be Fantastical(?) Care
- The second section would be “Self” Care
- The third section would be Calloused Care
- The fourth (?) section would be Trauma Informed Care
- The final (?) section would be Learning to Care (?)
- Last week was a rough week for me personally; and though I probably spent 6 hours “doing my thesis,” I probably only got about 2 ½ hours of productive work done. It is a new week and things have evened out so that I’ve got some footing back, and that means getting to work. I’ve decided that Mondays and Fridays are my intensive thesis days. The minimum goal is to work six hours total those two days, but I want to get in double that ideally.
- For the academic side of things I have had some theoretical stuff come up that I need to consider:
- “Ecology” keeps coming up in Alex Shevrin Venet’s work which inevitably leads back to Bronfenbrenner’s theory of human development. I know I don’t want to get deep into him, but I think I will need to draw on his views because I really want to explore the individual, institutional, and structural elements of FA and Trauma Informed Care.
- I was able to sort through my Laughlin source and determine what she did in her research and how I am differing from her approach.
- An Ecological Perspective on Health Promotion Programs – (McLeroy, Steckler, & Bibeau, 1988) is an article that I got from Alex Shevrin Venet’s work and that brings up some fascinating thoughts around individual and social interventions to address issues that are often caused by society.
- How do I move forward?
- My ideas are flowing so fast, but my writing can’t keep up and I’m finding myself getting frozen when I try to pour it all out. I feel the pressure to get it right and organized. I have to just keep pushing through to get stuff down on the page and then review it to start thinking how I can organize it.
- The research side of things has to stay at the forefront of my mind. The personal has been exciting, but I think it is a kind of sneaky way for me to procrastinate on the academic piece of this project. Productive procrastination at its finest. That said, I need to work Monday on the personal and Friday on the academic. That way I can dedicate time to both each week and they can inform each other.
- Prep my presentation for next week and use that process to maybe nail down more of the organizational elements of my project.
- I am considering a kind of visual element to the whole thing that would be an actual mental health chart page with my “callous care” note, have my “lofty policy” written out in the style of the policy that you can look up on the Federal Register , and then the personal side of things I have two separate ideas – one is to start each page with the elaborate drawings like you see in old books and/or set it up like a journal to give it a more intimate feel.
I’ve got so much more I want to write about all this, but I am the only one who benefits from that; I’ll spare you and go write some more elsewhere.