This weekend I started to feel like myself again when it comes to my old work life balance. I went out, I ran errands and I was just busy. Which I actually enjoy. Busy for me usually means I am getting shit done. I did take Dr. Zamora’s advice and took a little break. ( notice the blog post being submitted the day of class, this is so not like me) At first I thought I probably should speed up but that might be the cause of rushed work. I had to change my environment, I do apologize if this sounds like I am complaining but for me the energy and environment matter. I absolutely love my loft apartment my boyfriend and I share. It’s nice and huge, two floors, clean and it just feels like home. What causes confusion in my brain is when I have to do work from home, school from home and home from home. I know I have expressed that many times before but yesterday as I was in what was supposed to be a 3 hour in person strategy meeting, it turned into a 6 hour in person strategy meeting. Annoyed the entire time, it hit me. I need to bring my ass to the office daily and work on my thesis here! Our office is brand new, bright, and very quiet. Today I layed out my stuff in our conference room and have been editing my work like crazy. Usually I would apologize or be doom and gloom about my current pace I have been going but I have to be kind to myself and I am grateful I figured out how I will make this work. So to be transparent, my progress is that I have found my working space. Now I honestly feel I can get to gettin with my thesis, for real this time!
The first few days of my last semester are starting off rough to say the least. I want to be transparent and get all of my complaints off my chest. My Mac blacked out on me Sept 1st and has been back and forth with repairs ever since. Luckily I am able to use my boyfriend’s computer but that is just like starting from scratch. It’s not an apple so I feel like a senior citizen trying to learn technology for the first time, and all my work and school files are on my Mac that is locked away at the Apple hospital.
As I expressed on the first day of class, my job is really getting under my skin due to my denial of a pay raise, especially considering my duties are becoming more time consuming. The biggest elephant in the room is that I have been home bound for 18 months and out of nowhere I am expected to be back in person for work and school. No type of easing my way back just all at once. I find it odd that nobody is talking about this, then again I’m thinking maybe this really is a me issue. Covid-19 has been dodged by me by the grace of God even though it is creeping closer and closer to home. How can I not have real life anxiety of the culture shock of being thrown back into the real world. To sum that up, I feel lost and distraught, but I am here now and I have to face what is in front of me in order to reach the finish line.
My thesis is bitter sweet because it started as a book that I knew needed to be written, read, and sold. I always had the stories and the ideas, just never the ‘time’ or courage to really sit down and write it out. Luckily for me, with the amazing feedback from Summer 1 Writers Retreat I had no idea this could be bigger than I ever imagined. As of right now I have about 22 unedited pages that I will be working double time to focus on not only what story I am actually telling but also incorporating my research. This summer I wanted to dive into it and I would be lying if I said I was able to get that done. My brain power has been at a zero, it’s scary because it makes me feel like I am not really that great at adapting to global pandemics.
The theme for this 4th quarter for me is DISCIPLINE. Something I have to relearn, and begin immediately adding large doses back into my life. I have to literally change my attitude or I will get nothing done, and that just isn’t an option.
Something I will be borrowing from one of my favorites Issa Rae – she breaks down her days into sections, days for creative work, filming etc.
Monday & Tuesdays – Writing, Class Prep, Homework
Wednesday & Thursdays – Heavy Work days / Writing
Fridays – Blogs, Reading & Editing
Saturdays – Writing
Sundays – Writing & Research
Everyday is a writing day, at this point that is what will make the most productive sense. Since I don’t have class or physically working past 3pm on Mondays and Tuesdays I will make these days for class prep, starting on Monday and if I need it to go into Tuesday as any sort of refresher. My job can be alot but I think I found a way to get most of my tasks done within two days max, which will be Wednesday & Thursdays before class. Friday’s will most likely be remote working days that I can dedicate to reading and editing ‘Maybe it’s Me’ – It might sound crazy but I am going to put myself on a 8 hour schedule with appropriate breaks as if this was a job that I am getting paid for ( which I will soon) Saturday’s will be light writing, consuming of ideas, expansion, and anything else that is needed. I annoyingly never sleep in on weekends, it’s just how my body is programmed. Sunday’s will be heavy on the research as well as writing.
What I have learned about myself is I need structure, I thrive off of lists. Also I have been really playing with the idea of making ‘Maybe it’s Me’ short stories opposed to full on chapters, this is something I want to discuss with the class and my group tomorrow. At this point I am unsure on how long I want it to be in total, I just want to get my stories out, that’s probably why my focus hasn’t been how long or how short. I am feeling the pressure of having each chapter intertwine with the previous one. When most of these tales can stand on their own, hopefully that makes sense in the way I am writing it vs. how I am thinking about it in my head. The beauty about writing something you lived is you can make your own rules.
Sorry if this blog sounds a bit doom and gloom. I am actually very excited and happy that this moment is finally here. Thank you all in advance for your advice and support on not only my Master’s journey, but also being a part of me being a New York Times Best Selling Author ( yes I am claiming it now! )