All posts by Meagan T. Mentor

Unexpected Expectations

Fellow writers, achievers, dreamers and the few frustrators,

Lend me your ear so I can share my tale of a few unexpected expectations this past week.

It all began on Saturday. I woke up with the intentions of completing three top priorities. First, my morning was busy helping my Grams make fish soup from scratch. Things went well and the soup was almost finish by the time I left for my afternoon gig. Secondly, I volunteered to work a school prepare for a special family movie night. The staff expected the 60 something people who RSVP’d to show up. Luckily the weather was beautifully clear and semi-spooky. I planned on helping for a few hours that way I could return home to work on my thesis. Unfortunately things quickly began to change. The weather was so crisp, windy and cold. Out of 60 families to show up, only eight did. We had blown up plastic balloons, goodie bags, popcorn, pretzels, cotton candy (and machine). The staff and I worked on so many things but no one was there to enjoy them but the staff. Seriously, I was even in costumed. Now here’s the kicker..when I returned home with the hopes of working on my thesis, I did not feel good. I was in the cool air for too long and felt lethargic. By the time I got home I didn’t work on anything except putting on my jammies and climbing into bed.

Dr. Steve Maraboli | Words quotes, Life quotes, Words

Sunday, I consider a peaceful day before the week’s chaos. I went into my office, worked on my desktop for 2 hours, tried to figure out my project’s final product, prepare to edit my Lit. review and then it happened. I felt tired again. This time in particular I began feeling drunk with sleep. At first, I couldn’t figure out why I kept reading the same lines over and over. I thought it was weird when my head continued to go lower and lower. You think I would realize that I was dozing off right? Nope. All the work I set up and organized on my table started looking like blurry waves. Who knew your lashes can make blurry waves? Finally I said dammit, I’m going to take a 2 hour nap. Great idea! Well that was until I heard a huge crash in the kitchen. My Grams tripped on the kitchen mat while holding a pot full of water that was next to another pot on the fire. Apparently her tripping made her fall and dropped the pot of water. Everything in the area except the top on the fire fell. Water was all over and she looked so shooked. Let me say, jumping out of my sleep left me shook too. Either way, she’s good now, I cleaned everything, finish cooking the food for her and didn’t get a chance to return to my work.

20 Amazing Quotes That Will Change Your Outlook On Life! | Life quotes,  Words quotes, Inspirational quotes pictures

This is how the brain makes you sigh every 5 minutes

Monday and Tuesday was about the same, a semi-shit show. I work at a school and my position is to assistant those in charge. The morning shift is getting better except for the substitute starting the virtual class almost 45 minutes late. of course parents were pissed but not with me. Maybe my years teaching and being a director I do have expectations for people currently in those similar positions. Shocker everyone does not have common sense! Tuesday the teacher returned and I had to give her the rundown of everything that occurred. The afternoon shift is so disorganized and for some reason they make themselves believe I’m the more responsible one. No I don’t think so. Monday and Tuesday I had intentions on working on my project again but after dealing with those people I didn’t have the strength nor tolerance for myself. It’s unusual how they can zap energy out of you virtually.

I had plans. I had thoughts, possibly ideas. I had expectations of myself for the past few days. I didn’t accomplish squat. Surprisingly, I don’t feel bad nor stressed over it. Of course I wanted to work on my project but I didn’t expect things to be so tiring.

Clean FIt Mum: Changing my attitude about how to be a good Mum | Words,  Life quotes, Inspirational words

As of today (Wednesday), I plan on reevaluating things. I can’t control everything. What I can control is how I handle situations. Now I have a clearer mindframe to focus on what needs to be done.


  • I have 20 poems: each has a specific quote & will use 1-3 emotions from Plutchik’s wheel to help describe
  • My Lit. review is practically done but I need to review it again and make minor edits
  • I have my mission statement & a writer’s oath
  • I have some background context about myself
  • My annotated bib & work cited is completed
  • I am rereading my contemporary issue to keep me focused

From the beginning of the semester to now, I feel more at ease with the project directions. Honestly, I do feel a bit more anchored within its confidence. With that acknowledgement, I try not to focus on when the final product is due.

NOTE TO SELF: Remember to Breathe – Maine DOE Newsroom

It’s true, I did have particular expectations and I also dealt with a new unexpected expectation. The quote below is what I knew but but I actually learned.

Quote of the day: Managing your expectations of your self | Understanding  and Embracing Diversity
I mind automatically went to this song. Janet 80’s Throwback

Modified Thesis Concoction

Hello again,

Guess what? I am altering my thesis project again. Though it may seem as if I should be frustrated, I’m really not. The blog before gave you the impression that I knew what I was doing. Well, the answer is yes and no. I know what I want to share and the challenge lies in what or how to share.

This past Thursday, our class split into particular groups to use the Troika consulting protocol. Honestly, I thought it would be tricky but thanks to Darline and Patricia for helping me simply my life ( a lot), things are headed in a more productive direction.

500 Simplicity Quotes That Will Transform Your Life

Patricia helped me realized that I could create a interactive wheel, similar to Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotion. If you’re thinking about asking me how then hold off until the next blog. Hopefully by then I have an idea.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is img-0016.jpg
Of course i wouldn’t draw it and it will definitely be even. Lol

During my presentation I mentioned one of my goals is to finish my Lit. review by my birthday. Now here’s what I’ve learned within two weeks of working on my project. So far it’s ok to have expectations of my work and myself, but I have to know and understand that expectations do change. A the the same time, sometimes not having any in order to go with the flow is just as acceptable. This becomes a lesson in trusting my instincts.

My Lit. review already has a lot of information. There is a possibility that if I decide to add more info, I might flood the writing with extra words. I think it’s safe to say the overall project is completed. The stage I am currently in is figuring out how to place the pieces I created. I am the puzzle maker and need to figure where to set my pieces.

Searching, searching for the pieces of the puzzle to make what is  incomprehensible comprehensible. | Puzzle quotes, Pieces quotes, Puzzle  pieces quotes
Puzzle Pieces Inspirational Quotes. QuotesGram

Poetry’s Premonition Potion in Motion


My fellow writers, thesis thinkers, researchers, readers and believers. This blog comes to you on a beautiful Wednesday morning as I look out at the colorful autumn leaves. Can you believe how fast the week has come and gone? Now Thursday is practically here (more like tomorrow).

Last Thursday I presented my thesis project to my graduate peers and it was a success. Thank you everyone for the encouragement and motivation to continue. A few days prior to presenting, I practiced what to say, how to say it and to make sure I don’t go over the allotted time. When the day came, I wasn’t nervous but more excited to share something that I’ve been trying to master. Knowing I’m a modest/shy person, I wanted-or more like needed to unveil my true self.

Have you ever heard yourself say things that you know will or may come back to you? Well, I had a few of those moments while presenting. I decided to share a snippet of my poems and how Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotion relates.

French Farmhouse Christmas Decor: 3 Months to Go! - Hello Lovely |  Fascinating quotes, Simplicity quotes, Life quotes

My presentation was filled with a lot of valuable information however, Dr. Zamora and my peers helped me realize that everything that I want to express can be shared from a simpler angle. Almost like instead of struggling in the ocean, I can work my way through a river. They say “All rivers lead to the ocean.”

In layman’s terms, I choose my poems to tell my story. In previous blog posts I mentioned that my project is about using expressive writing as an aide to cope with PTSD which will help increase my self-esteem and build my voice (in all aspects, particularly writing). My goal is to reread my poems and discover the emotions behind the words.

I am a person who writes and is learning to consider myself a writer. Words especially in poetry, brings forth my passion, a sense of comfort and the ability to exhale. I refuse to edit while I write for fear I lose the force of purging my current thoughts. This style is a form of growth for me. When I return to the poem as the reader and not the writer, the emotions behind each word becomes fathomable. I sometimes shock myself. In that moment, I see a version of myself slowly unveiling.

Two semesters ago, I had an idea to use quotes, poems, writing samples and etc. to help other people (not only writer’s) connect to their inner selves. It’s strange how I forgot about that idea and then did a full circle to return to something that made sense. Life works in mysterious ways. This is why you- know you -possibly better than someone else knowing you. I believe there are layers to our inner mind and as we experience life those layers become folded and tucked away.

Always trust your instincts, they are... - Spiritual Quotes & Beautiful  Photographs | Facebook

Plutchik’s Wheel is helping me acknowledge many feelings. Through this I will once again reread my poems to add the voice (of reason) within the personality.

  • What is the point?
  • How do I feel?
  • Why did I say that?
  • Why are those feelings significant?

Basically poetry is a form of expressive writing and one of my coping methods.

Eventually I would like to include my memoir which explains portions of the PTSD. I might go through a similar process like the poems. If I use Plutchik’s wheel, I have a strong feeling that sad emotions won’t be the main emotions. According to the wheel, I think the emotional word choice will greatly vary.

So right now the potion is in motion. I will continue to work with my poems. Afterwards, I need to research more information about Plutchik’s Wheel to be added as important background info.

Poetic quotes | J V Birch

I know what to do but I have to think about how or where to begin.

This week has been thrown off by sleep. Shockingly it isn’t the lack of but the sheer feeling of being drunk with sleep. This weather is beautiful and it does inspire me to work but lately I am beyond sleepy. Maybe that’s a poem in the making.

Best lotus Quotes, Status, Shayari, Poetry & Thoughts | YourQuote

For now, I bid you all adieu and wish you luck and blessings on your journey.

The Proof is in the Pudding! Thesis Pudding, that is!

Hello Worldly Writers,

Once again we were asked to share our progress on our thesis project. Well like the title says,

The proof is in the pudding | December 30, 2018 - Crossroads Church Podcast  | Acast

On Thursday, October 8, I will present what I have accomplished thus far on my project. Surprisingly, I feel at ease with my progress. I have a better understanding on what and how I would like it to represent me.

Therefore, my blog this week is short, sweet and oh so simple. If you would like to sneak a peek then you may. Enjoy!

My Mental & Spiritual Process is my Written Progress

Hello there in the Writer’s World,

Last week I shared my pic of my weekly schedule that represents my 4-5 hour routine of work to get through. I am trying my best to work towards being consistent. To make my daily tasks a bit easier and where I still have wiggle room for my other responsibilities, I decided to write an agenda (itinerary) for the next day. This list will have the max. 6 things that are of the utmost importance to achieve that day. Although I may not accomplish everything on my schedule in one day, I aim to recognize my ability to try and give myself credit when it’s due.

Wednesday night, I was telling my mom about my daily agenda and just like “my typical mom”, she reminded me of remembering to rest (sleep) because it does help. She also kind of got on my case for being too hard on myself (self-expectation), and not to add things to the list if I have no intentions of doing it. Now I guess, I became more conscious of what I add to the agenda. Nor do I beat myself up over it.

I will admit there are times, I am mentally stuck in my head just thinking. My thoughts are about ideas, changes, strategies, articles, questions and etc. about my project. This past Thursday, I felt as if I was only hearing information being told to me. Nothing was entering and staying nor was I comprehending the simplest words. It literally was like this…

When I asked questions that I already know the answers to, I felt like, “Meagan, what the hell are you talking about?” People say there are no dumb questions. Well I beg to differ. To me that applies when you say it to someone else to help them feel at ease. When it’s about yourself, you either laugh or check your foolishness afterwards. It is a definite, “DUH moment!”

Realistic Homer Simpson Art Disturbs Pretty Much Everyone | Den of Geek
Moments later Lmao

After class, I decided to go to bed. Obviously my brain couldn’t take anymore but most importantly I wasn’t disappointed in myself. Eventually I began listening to my thoughts. From there I realized that my project is going well and I mainly have things to edit/revise.

Here’s where I am so far. I interpret my project as a spiritual vessel for my mind (mental development) to grow and is destined to put the thoughts/feelings of the process into words. My intentions are not to sound deep in explanation but this is how I the wires within me connect. This is my system.

ametabolous metamorphosis | All you need is Biology
Monarch Butterfly Metamorphosis

Discovering my written voice.

Mission Statement:

Per Google, a mission statement is a short statement of why an organization exists, what it’s overall goal is, identifying the goal of its operations: what kind of product or service it provides, its primary customers or market, and its geographical region of operation.

I would like to connect with every and anyone who wants to express themselves through words. I italicized particular words/phrases because that’s where my focal point. My mission is to continue to inspire and motivate myself because I am always with me. My mission doesn’t stop even if my project is completed. I value my mission. On Monday while I was cleaning, I found a book where I had written an active mantra which I will transition to my actual mission statement.

Research & Methods:

What I wrote last semester for Dr. Nelson’s class definitely needs to be refined. Noticed I how I didn’t mention changing or starting over. The research and information are good but they are being updated in Journals and in the medical field. Therefore I must do my due diligence.

Lit. Review:

Originally I wanted to write two separate parts to this paper. Then it dawned on me that my overall project is transforming and my paper is becoming more detailed. Thanks to Craig and MaryKate, for helping me realize that I am on the right track. Adding more articles is helping my paper progress though its metamorphosis.


Thanks to Darline and Dr. Zamora for clarifying what an autoethnography involves. I will look for more articles as a guide and document all my memories and ideas to include in my story.

Extra Sections


I have my memoir to also revise. This 20 pg recap of my traumatic situation is tough to get through. I was given great feedback from my peers and professor. It took a lot for me to document that memory but I am proud of myself. What I wrote was in fact a snippet of the explicit truth. Though I accomplished it, I am most certainly apprehensive to edit. I thought it would be easier to edit on paper rather than on Google Doc. Unfortunately, when I see the paper, memories that were blocked are beginning to reappear. I absolutely have no intentions of adding information and I will be cautious as to what I am editing. The mind is such a wonderful creation but it can be dangerously scary too. At least to me.

Brain Connections Colorful Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  1010776790 | Shutterstock
Beautifully Eerie


I have my poetry which is significant in the various changes of voice within my personality. thank goodness that is completed.


I’m also considering adding my Writing Inquiry Workshop paper. Food for thought.


Everyone should know by now that I love quotes. Something about certain phrases, the memory attached to the thought, the advice that triggers, or the blessings of a lesson. I have at least 3 pgs worth of quotes that have inspired me to be ambitious all throughout life. I may put them into proper categories.

This is my project in a nutshell. The mental process becomes the written progress of a writer.

happy solez | Words quotes, Inspirational quotes pictures, Friendship quotes
The Process Is the Most Important Part - Live Life Happy | Life quotes  deep, Life quotes, Inspirational quotes

Autumn Welcomes My Thesis Breakthrough

Last week I experienced an emotional tantrum. Within two weeks, I’ve had multiple people tell that I am too hard on myself.I know this is true but cannot it is hard to break the habit. With that in mind I remembered this quote,

You're not stuck. You're just committed to certain patterns of behavior  because they helped you in the past… | Wisdom quotes, Spiritual quotes,  Inspirational quotes

Every word applies to me. It’s interesting how I was able to connect this simple quote to being an essential factor in my thesis. I needed to remind myself that not every strategy/technique is used to solve or understand an issue/problem/dilemma/tantrum. What may work for one may not necessarily work for another. Or sometimes the shit just doesn’t make sense.

I want or possibly need this project to succeed more so of the point where I am losing sight of what it means to me and how it defines my character and personality. I never considered myself a deep person but I do know I can get lost in my own thoughts. For that reason, I would like to create a mission statement introducing my project to the world. As I am researching what a mission statement entails, I am also jotting down thoughts to consider and/or include.

My overall mission for this project is to:

  • share a story
  • discover some new personality traits
  • express thoughts
  • delve and liberate hidden emotions
  • recognize strengths & weaknesses
  • greet my willpower
  • appreciate my process of trying
  • if I inspire others great but I want to inspire my creative side (wake it up)

Tomorrow is the first day of my favorite season, autumn. This past weekend I actually slept because of the cool night breeze. I woke up feeling good and had ideas on how to create my project schedule. The original work schedule I had in mind wasn’t good enough. I decided on a schedule that I gave me “realistic” wiggle room for work and myself. Dr. Zamora recommended 4-5 hours and that’s what I have.

Last week’s discussion with the librarian, Craig was very helpful. When I had to find articles for Dr. Nelson’s class, I was more concerned about the how to, what to and should I do. Whereas now I am more confident in locating the articles I need. Craig also gave me the idea of not redoing my Lit. review but rather do what Zamora asked in her post. I can easily continue it and create sections.

I am a person that enjoys writing on paper. Sometimes typing makes me frazzled because I focus on editing. Make sure to have 2 different size legal pads, a small journal in my bag and extra writing tools. All of my notes are collected in this

Since I struggle with focusing on the bigger picture sometimes, I chose this simple approach to keep track of the smaller agendas. I am more organized which does help to navigate my note taking. My goal is to not overload my mind.

76 Most Powerful Mindfulness Quotes: Your Daily Dose of Inspiration

At this point, I am choosing to reflect on my actions and recognize how I feel while working on my project. I am thankful for the recent beautiful autumn weather because I can snuggle and actually relax my mind. They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste and it’s true. When I’m more relaxed, I realize how my voice within my writing is more in tune with my emotions.

Sleep is also an essential key to success, especially while executing my project. I might have to add that on the schedule as a reminder.

SLEEP & DREAMS - I must remind myself: how merciful is life to grant me  sleep and dreams - to forget, f… | Şiir alıntıları, Ilham veren sözler,  Alıntılar

Where do I go from here? How do I get there? Will I be alright once I get there?

Conflicted. Tired. Frustrated. Confused. Numb. Lost. These are some various feelings I began to confront, recognize and release. Honestly, although I seem fine and always smile, this week I have been feeling uncomfortable within my skin, trying to pace my racing mind and ease my unsure soul. I don’t know if it’s only because of my insomnia but I’m sensing a storm of emotions ahead.

COMPASS- Community of Scholars | Learning Communities | SUNY Buffalo State  College

Last week I was excited to see my peers and have our usual insightful discussions with the professor. I felt good during our peer group. When it was my turn I lost that sense of delightfulness. I wish I remained excited and eager for the next required process of my thesis but that’s a bold face lie.

I appreciate the people in my peer group and enjoyed listening to their ideas. It was amazing how different our projects were yet had a simple similarity. Our stories were constructed from personal experiences but how we choose to share our journey or process has a “bridge-like” factor. We are and will always be connected to our projects. It isn’t like the game hot potato, where you pass it and don’t necessarily get a turn again. There is an essential power to the bridge that keeps it sturdy.

Yes, I did pick up on those inspiring vibes and yes I also became disconnected. My project which I amped up in the last blog or two, is evolving before my eyes. Evolution is good but I struggle with balancing. I am well aware that life changes on a day to day basis. I am also aware of realistic expectations and all that jazz. Nor do I need to hear anyone explain the extra fluff about evolution. As I type this, I glance at the big poster near my vision board that clearly and in bright colors says:

Set a goal Make a plan Get to work Stick to it Reach a goal" A great  checklist… #personaldevel… | Creative teaching press, Creative teaching, Goal  setting template
The exact poster I have

Those words are easier said than done. My project is about finding my voice as a person and then as a writer. My research began with the question, ” What effects, if any, does expressive writing have on a creative writer’s self-esteem after PTSD?” According to my Google search on ,

The Author’s Voice: A Writer’s Unique Identifier

A writer’s tone, choice of words, selection of subject matter, and even punctuation make up the authorial voice. How an author writes conveys their attitude, personality, and character. The author’s voice is often so distinctive that it’s possible to identify the author by merely reading a selection of their work. 

I realized my project is really about me. I consider voice having a different personality to the other me. The other me who is lacking self-esteem. I want and need my project one way but I feel as if the journey is pulling me elsewhere. I would like to find a personal inner compromise: BALANCE. 22" Modern Anchor Monogram, Door Hanger, Nautical Metal Wall  Art: Handmade
This is an anchor.

Maybe I’ll refer to my project as, The Author: Discovering Voice & Self-esteem through writing. Now this leads to edit my already completed literature review from my research proposal. I have an idea as to how I would like it to be but I haven’t the foggiest clue on where to begin.

I included the anchor because I would like a sense of security and support. My project is changing/evolving and so are my emotions. Sometimes I wish I could feel secure within my own mind. My fluctuating levels of anxiety and mistrust for myself pushes me to ruminate in old feelings and I don’t want to.

Recently I have been told that I work better with a routine. This is definitely true but I struggle with obsessing over my routine. My OCD kicks into overdrive. Been there and done that. No need to revisit the seizures and tunnel-like living. My goal is to create a simple routine each week and make it a mandatory rule to leave room for modifications.

Since this all about me, my methodology is autoethnography. Per Google, autoethnography is a research method and methodology which uses the researcher’s personal experience as data to describe, analyze and understand cultural experience. It is a form of self-narrative that places the self within a social context.

I like to talk about the need to exhale when I write. At this very moment (12:41 am) I am having an unusual epiphany. I never actually exhaled completely. I have unconsciously chosen to take short breaths to get by. No wonder my mindful moments don’t linger the way they should.

Balance Is the Key to Everything - Live Life Happy | Balance quotes, Live  life happy, Inspirational quotes

I am searching for something and I don’t know what it is, yet. For now, enjoy this video. When I work on my computer, it helps to calm me.

Welcome to the beginning of “The End”

Hi everyone! My name is Meagan and this my last semester before graduating this amazing program. It’s hard to believe the end is near. Wow! This program has impacted everyone differently but we all somehow feel similar. I guess it’s a empowering feeling of comfort, contentment, determination, appreciation and etc. How can a school or professors make you feel that way? Although I may not have the exact answer or know how to explain, my emotions are alert and can detect positive or negative vibes. This is the first time school has actually come easy to me.

Unfortunately, this assignment is becoming quite the challenge. In order to relax , I usually listen to music. Today’s choice was Four Seasons by Antonio Lucio Vivaldi. The title holds a dearer meaning because I’ve experienced all four seasons during the Master’s program. Time is truly flying by.

I came into this program a little naive and calling myself a writer. Not realizing some personal trauma was hindering my abilities to become the writer I desired. Over time I’ve began to recognize my strengths and weaknesses as a person (mentally, emotionally, spiritually), within my writing, and my choices in life. When I say this program helped me create a foundation that I can be proud of, it isn’t a joke. Granted I am still learning but that’s what English:Writing is all about. The process of learning helps you grow more than the actual product (the prize).

Shout outs to Dr. Zamora! She welcomed us with open arms, an open mind, an open room to write and vent, an open heart, an open world of possibilities, all while empowering us to see it for ourselves. “Life is about using the whole box of crayons.” We each get to choose the colors we want/need to start and end our journey. From our class discussions to individual projects, I have found something so unfamiliar to me. I found my voice within my writing. Writer Inspiration Premium Print - Inspirational Quotes for  Authors, Poets & Wordsmiths to Increase Creativity & Overcome Writer's  Block; Writing Poetry Wall Art; Gift for Writers; Glossy 12x16 Inches

When people first get to know me, I may come across in many different ways: friendly, stand-offish, out-spoken, humorous, unique, motherly/nurturing, quiet and maybe more. The truth is, I am all of those. Those traits represents me and my various emotions. In order for me to share my thoughts, emotions or personality- my voice comes into play. I have found that my voice is like the cliche, a very important and powerful tool. My voice is the root of my thesis. My voice is my spiritual foundation. My voice is the path that I am learning to recognize. My voice are my words/feelings/ideas.

This past spring semester was basically shot to shit due to the presence of COVID. Everything changed. I felt less motivated. My sleeping habits which were already non-existent sucked even more. The simplest task became tiring and difficult. It was weird how the world seemed like the Apocalypse was approaching. Luckily for two weeks in July I had the Writer’s Retreat as a stay-cation vacation. Those eight days were a life saver. It pushed me to take the cobwebs off my computer and get to work putting my thesis ideas together.

The Adventure Travel Show | Olympia London 18 - 19 January 2020
Ready for the adventure.

My thesis project is about finding serenity in my personal growth, faith, confidence and my writing. I decided to incorporate my personal battles into my writing because it is a form of holistic healing. Last semester I shared in my research proposal how I use expressive writing to cope with my battle with PTSD. During the retreat I wrote, organized, researched and edited my project into seven folders filled with valuable info.

  1. Voice vs. Me (purpose)
  2. Research proposal
  4. Poetry
  5. Memoir
  6. Letters
  7. Inquiry project

I would like to make a WordPress page for it and continue adding information. Maybe I’ll turn it into special research for my PhD.

Now that this semester has begun, I am happy-sad or sad-happy. It feels good to see my program peers and get back to writing. COVID really drained my writing tank.

Inspirational Quotes For Writing A Book. QuotesGram

Thank you for taking the time to read my jibber jabber.


Day 8: A Retreat for us…The Writers

Maui Healing Retreat Reviews & Pricing | FitStays

Dear Writers,

Allow me to pick your brain. What does the word retreat mean?

It’s safe to say that most of you are probably thinking, ” Well duh, retreat has multiple meanings. It depends on how you choose to use it.” A typical answer for an English major or teacher. Of course you’re correct.

Next question.Which type of retreat did we have?

Oooo. Now you have to think lol. Good for you. I’ll give you a clue. Within these eight days, did you struggle, had a personal epiphany, become more appreciative, meet up with any or all insecurities, have many questions with no answers or many answers but felt lost without the knowing the questions, had a visit from vulnerability or felt energetically inspired?  Wait a minute that was another question. Oh well, just think about it. No pressure but help yourself by being mindful of your answer.

As a verb, retreat means a form of withdrawal , retire, or draw back, especially for shelter or seclusion with or without army/enemy association. As a noun, retreat means a place of refuge, seclusion, or privacy.  

I’ll respond in a Meagan-like way. I am all about positivity more so now than I have ever been in my entire life. Whether it may be about the positivity I give or receive, I am choosing it. Within eight simple yet remarkable days, I am understanding that positivity is about a connection. During these eight days, not only have I connected with my classmates, teacher and myself but I have connected on a new level, which in itself is uniquely awesome (for me). I didn’t even second guess whether I would enjoy this course with Dr. Zamora. That was an automatic hell yea and of course. Everything is starting to feel like it’s falling into place (slowly) and this feels like I’m reaching new heights of shooting star amazement.

If someone asked me what I believe in….my answer may shock you but remember it’s a Meagan-like response. At this time my answer may be that I believe in almost everything. Admitting this- is all about taking a huge chance in life.  I choose to live by faith and if that means taking chances here and there, then dammit I got to do it. I choose to grow in grace which means my mannerisms approaching life and what it represents. I choose to walk in love. The concept of walking in love does not necessarily have to do with my involvement with another person. I perceive this as a profound affection for “positively connecting” with the idea of acceptance, gratitude, resilience, family/friends, sun/moon, culture and etc.

Our course is titled Writer’s Retreat but truthfully I disagree. This retreat was exactly that, a retreat. We retreated from the hybrid version of our mundane lives with COVID. We retreated from the stress of our personal burdens. We retreated from the inner voice that tries to pull us back into the dark shadows of despair and anxiety. We chose to withdraw because we deserved a break.

We found a retreat that accepted all of us…the activist, the adventurer, the nurturing teachers, the youthful minds, the poetic souls, the passionate voices, the ones searching, the organizer, the researcher, the friendly-fellows, the optimist, the motivators and the mentors (not necessarily me). Our retreat was our bubble of sanity for the few hours. Our retreat was our time to inhale and exhale. Our retreat was our safe space to cry and release. Our retreat helped us recognize our own essential capabilities. Our retreat presented us with the opportunity to discover who we would like to be, where we would like to go, when we choose to begin, what we may need along the way, why we need this journey and more importantly, not to focus on how it should be accomplished.

For my fellow writers, I write this for me and you. I am not thanking you because I have to. I thank you because you were being you. I thank you for lending me your ears. i thank you for lending me your heart. I thank you for lending me your strength to find my own. I thank you for your consistent positivity. I thank you for allowing me to be Meagan in my semi-preachy ramble. Lol.

Unfortunately, our time during this particular retreat has come to an end. Luckily, the journey to our own personal retreat has just begun.

We may not look like what we are… but we are who we are. We are writers. We are inspiration. We are spiritual connectors. We are beautiful butterflies. And we are all enough.
We Are Already What We Want To Become” - Mindfulness Retreat in Sweden |  Plum Village

I wish you constant joy, patience and positivity.

Your fellow retreater, writer and friend,


Day 7: The Butterfly’s Retreat

Get The Butterfly - Microsoft Store


Dear Meagan,

You may not know me as well as I know you. I know everything about you and so far I feel deeply connected to you. I was blessed with the opportunity to admire you from afar. You and I have accomplished a lot in a small time frame.  It’s safe to say you and I are one in the same. There have been countless times when you doubted, hated and burdened yourself with so much pain, fear, guilt and etc. For so long I’ve been wanting to ease the pain or at least take it away completely. Surprisingly you have found a way to rise above and direct it towards building a strong foundation. Good for you.

I’m sure you’re curious to know who I am but this is not about me. This letter is to you and for only you. Consider me an admirer. What you feel, I feel. What you think, I think. You created mini mantras to remind yourself of how precious and special you are. Then please allow me to share my thoughts.

  1. I am enough. But of course you are darling. I understand at times it may never seem that way. You aim to not necessarily please others but to care for them. With a natural nurturing instinct, you make people feel at ease within their own minds.  You strive to soothe their souls which is the inner energy source. It’s amazing how you do it and don’t realize. Although you accept compliments, you never believe them. What you do for friends, loved ones and strangers is enough. Every cannot and will not be pleased but that is not your issue nor is it about you. Please don’t take on what is not yours to bare.
  2. Magnet - Grant me the serenity... - inspired livingI am in control. You have more control than you realise. I know the Looney Tunes version of the Tasmanian Devil reminds you of yourself. Hate to break it to you, but you are not alone. Everyone feels as if they cannot get a grip. I also know you don’t want to hear that it’s a common feeling but it is beyond true. Focus on handling what you have the power to control. During the moment it becomes your strength. God only grants you things you, yourself  can handle. Faith steps in to take over what you need to release. Inhale to ready yourself of your own tasks. Exhale what is not for you to control.
  3. Roger L. Basler de Roca on Twitter: "Fall in love... first with the idea,  then with the process of becoming the very best version of yourself - first  step: love what youI am worth it. You bet your ass you are and so much more. Why do you think I or someone else would admire you? Duh!!!! You, my precious girl are far worth more than the sparkly stars in the sky. If I could make it rain: love, respect, inspirational, humourous, wise, warm-hearted and much more, then these wonderful qualities wouldn’t suffice. I consider you what a butterfly represents in multiple cultures- change, hope, depth, power and life. When I say butterfly, I mean all stages of its life. As the caterpillar, you don’t worry about whether people accept your looks because you appreciate you. The inner and outer are equally grand.  You appear with a mission and see it through to the end. The real metamorphosis of life. When you are ready because you have learned to work with time, you decide to show/share with others. You are worth more than what they see and assume.


Meagan, the best is yet to come. All you need to do is continue to be patient and continue moving forward to accomplish your dreams. Mother Nature sees you. Father Time hears you. I’ll always with you.

I am simply empowered by your strength. It’s time for you to realize that it does exist. You can into this retreat with a tiny idea. Now it’s blooming before your eyes. If you have to fight then fight for a positive cause. If you have to shout then shout for joy. If you have to cry then cry. If you need to take a moment or two then take any many as you need. There are no limits. If you have to smile then smile because you are learning. If you have to  If you have to grow then grow to heal.

But….if you have to write then write to for you.

Remember I admire you from afar. Whenever you need me just whisper and I’ll be there. Regardless. With unconditional love


Your admiring friend,

Your voice (the other her)


Quotes Empowering You to Use Your Voice - Higher Level Living           sound of your voice | Tumblr