All posts by masooch94

well now what

Not gonna lie, submitting my thesis was pretty anticlimactic. Makes sense, considering.

There she is. All the essentials are completed, but there are some extra elements that are “under construction,” as it were. I want to work on them. I will, but I need a minute lol…

So I guess… I’m done. With my MA, I mean. I said it a lot on the site, that I want to continue in the same realm of studies, just in different ways. The Let’s Plays, the E-Lit piece, the podcast. They’ll all come around in time, and I’ll update the site when they do.

In the meantime, I wanna wrap up a few personal projects for my own sanity’s sake. I’m writing out a summary for the latter half of that 10 year old fanfic I mentioned. Wanna post that so I can move on, in a sense. Who knows? Maybe I’ll go back and actually write it someday. At the least, I want the story to be out there. (And I wanna use those OCs in ODDN hehehehheh don’t tell anybody.)

So that’s where I’m at. Last class meetup is tomorrow, then virtual graduation in a few weeks, then I’m done. Doesn’t feel real. But it’ll hit me, I think.

Fun fact: YouTube is hosting a virtual commencement and… y’all, the list of speakers.


I mean?? ??? ???? ??

I get to brag I had all these rad people at my commencement. Tangentially, I guess. bUT STILL.

I also love how it’s Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, BTS. BTS. Thank u YouTube. Relevant To My Interests. They saw I’d be missing BTS 2 feet from me so they said “here u go have them personally congratulating u on ur achievements.” thank u 4 mi life.

Also The Try Guys. Wowie. I just fell down the rabbit hole into that fandom and. They’re such good dudes. Really.

Sigh. Marking my calendar for that.

So. I’ll probably post here again after a while. Just with updates and such. Seems fitting.

ttyl, gang, it’s been rad


the last quick update wow

well heck it’s the last monday before my thesis is due on friday

once it’s submitted i’ll make some kinda emo post after i sleep and play breath of the wild for a week

where i’m at right now.

  • interviews are all up.
  • added a search feature that’s more for MY benefit for finding stuff that’s already on the site. here i’ll link it again for easy access.
  • did some formatting fixes bc i’m a perfectionist
  • found most of the towers in breath of the wild
  • I HAVE A VIGNETTE DONE. 25% THERE. didn’t take too long so yeah i’ve just been hyping them up bc they’re the last bits i gotta finish.

after the vignettes are done and THROWN on the site i just gotta type up some bit parts, like the future project pages, the glossary, edit the credits for the homepage that i updated uwu spot the differences.



P.S. – here’s the vignette i have up

another quick update

Look I published the site.

I’ve had this fear that I can only publish it when it’s finished. But no? I can work on it after? Meanwhile I can actually have people look at it? When it’s published?

Anyway there it is.

The resolution on my desktop monitor that I’m using is actually Really Weird so there might be some weird size issues that I’ll have to check on other computers. Also don’t open the site on your phone it’s a mess and I have to work on it lol.

ANYWAY. I’m finishing up adding the K-Pop self-doc to the site. Adding all the formatting and links while also taming my dramatique wording (I was reading a very emo manga at the time I first wrote it) is… taking a bit, but we’re almost there! Then I gotta throw all the interviews on there. Oh and do the vignettes.

Okay! See y’all later.



quick update

aiight so I’ve mostly been putting up pages one at a time from my google docs onto the site and I got a bunch done.

also due to personal circumstances, I was unable to get a video done for research days.

that’s… really it.

oh. haven’t done the vignettes yet. S O O N.

ok back to work




So I:

  1. made a bibliography for the site
  2. set up/organized more pages on the site
  3. made the homepage (see below!)



Screenshot 2020-04-13 at 13.54.53

I’m working on it…

Don’t have a script for the video yet. It’s been a week. This week is when I’ll have to throw the video together. I’ll have at least one of each aspect of the site up (one interview, one self-doc) all edited nicely so I can give the illusion in the video that I have everything up.


Welp, that’s all I got. Talk to everyone later!


[panic noises]

so this post is gonna be 2 days early but like. i have… what is it… 2 weeks until the research days video is due? hhhhhhhoooooooooo boy

So firstly. I’ve been sick for about 3 days.

Maybe it’s 4.

… What day is it.

It’s Saturday. Maybe it’s 5.

Anyway. I’ve had a cold. It ain’t cute. It’s mentally draining.

This post probably isn’t gonna make a lot of sense and will be a mess jdkslj bUT THAT’S OKAY. EVERYONE’S FEELIN IT. I HAVE A NEAR CONSTANT HEADACHE. ONLY HURTS WHEN I THINK.

I’ve tried working on my project over the week, and I did get some stuff done.

none of it was the vignettes. but some of it was For the vignettes. went through the notes i took when typing up the transcripts and highlighted what would be relevant for whatever vignette. if i have the willpower, there will be a picture below of what it looks like.

[???? maybe it won’t be here oops but just imagine it’s v organized and professional totally absolutely 100%]

I wanna do the same for the books i’m using. just take notes of whatever makes sense for each theme.

I’m realizing that there’s a lot more that I could be doing or could be connecting or could be blah blah blah blah– but I’m running out of time and. y’know what. i’m gonna get done what i can and chalk it up to circumstance and need for more research. because, i mean, like i’ve said in the past, i do wanna continue in fandom studies in similar ways to this project. i want this to be an ongoing project, y’know?

oh my god my dad won’t stop listening to tr*mp spewing bs on tv so i’m blasting SHINee and yknow what. what a metaphor for life AND this project. just mmmmbLOCK out the garbage of life for even the briefest of moments for healing purposes. SELF-CARE, FRIENDS.

so that’s where i’m at.

gotta finish writing up everything.

gotta edit everything.

gotta edit all the site pages (siiiiiiimplfied fdjkslj).

gotta slap it all together and pray it looks decent.

gottaaaaaaaa… figure out how i’m doing the research days thing.

and y’know what. i’ll figure all that out when i’m not functioning with a constant headache. 🙂

okie that’s where i’ll leave off. i’m gonna watch mindnumbing let’s plays and download half my steam library.

update: made a background audio for my thesis site lol… it’s just forest noises with other bits added in but I’m lowkey proud of it.


p.s. don’t watch tiger king it’s a fever dream. joe exotic is my sleep paralysis demon. or maybe it’s carole. idk.

when u plan to do 1 thing and do 14 other things instead :B

That’s usually how it goes, right?


A lot of what I did this week was more… planning, detail, setup… extra kinda stuff that’s not the vignettes like I planned. In a way, though, I’m okay with this. Because setting up the pages on Wix, making folders and google docs for all the content I’m gonna be posting, contacting those artist friends of mine again (text me back juseyo;;;), setting up all the other extra things I want to have on the site… it’s all a part of seeing the whole project come together. Collecting and organizing what I have will help me write up the vignette paragraphs to come. It’s all a matter of… remembering everything that I have.

Realizing I only have like 3 weeks until the Research Days video is due was also a kick in the ass that I needed, not gonna lie.

(At least I found a screen recording software to use so I can show off the site in the video and not have to show my face uwu)

In the meantime, lemme voice out loud (so to speak) some elements I’m working on/planning.


  • Twitter Feed Findings
    Made a Twitter account for this project – @DichotomyofFan (currently it’s private) – where I’ve been/will be retweeting fandom-related posts I find during my daily social media perusals. Maybe more will come of the account? Maybe not? Shrug.
  • YouTube (& More) Field Findings
    Similar to the Twitter findings, this is a list of video/podcast episode clips (with timestamps) that relate to the project. Just more supplemental stuff that I wouldn’t be able to hit on my own in the vignettes or self-docs.

Both of those serve kind of a “I will not be able to say this in better words and I can’t find a place to appropriately reference this info” purpose. Golly do I love finding a load of information and references, stepping back, pointing at it all, and being like “there it is. tada.” without having to dissect every little bit of it. Shit speaks for itself sometimes, y’know?


  • ODDNights Radio & More
    Essentially all the music stuff I’ve mentioned throughout the site. ODDNights Radio (jams that remind me of what that E-Lit piece will become, also linked on this blog), those K-Pop crash course playlists I made with my friends and that Level Up playlist that I mention in my K-Pop Self-Doc entry, and… that’s all I got for now. Music is a big influence and passion of mine, so I feel like it deserves a spot here, y’know? Plus I love dropping recs.
  • Interview Extras & Bloopers
    I’ve mentioned before that I documented some funny bits that took place in my interviews. So here they are. I’ll link to them from the interviews themselves, but it’d be nice to have them all in one spot just for organization’s sake.

And speaking of organization. Here’s that list of pages I mentioned:


I love visual organization.

With that, and the sign that I need to get of the computer bc of a mild headache that I have again, I’ll bring this post to an end.

NEXT MORNING EDIT: I lied. I have inquiries.

  • For the “glossary” I keep mentioning. I haven’t really thought it out yet… but should it just be a collection of all the terms I defined (mostly via UD and TV Tropes lol) throughout the project?
  • For the theory section. Could an annotated bibliography work? Along with a more succinct “works consulted” section of other related materials I found but didn’t necessarily cite or anything? Hmm.

Okay. NOW I’m done.

See y’all soon. (Virtually.)


p.s. – one concert cancelled and one concert postponed. thank god the one that got postponed is the barricade one. ain’t no way in hell i’d ever be able to snag the front row of a bts concert again. hyukoh, on the other hand, will have to wait 😦

what do you mean a week’s passed alr-

time is a social construct bent on causing frustration and that’s all it’s good for send tweet

wait this isn’t a tweet

Hi friends. Welcome to Day 6 of Quarantine. I have left my house less than a handful of times and find myself unable to remember what day it is half the time. I also had a videochat hangout with like 7 friends and it was wild because that was the first time in a While that all of us were able to hang at the same time in the same (digital) location. It was cool. We bashed A Cinderella Story.

Here’s what I got for ya, by the by.

  • I’m finishing up the YouTube self doc as we speak because nothing gets me motivated more than a deadline approaching at fULL SPEED
    • Also my friend reminded me of the Comic Sans trick. The meme of a typeface apparently makes it easier to write? So I tried it? And it does? Or maybe it’s psychologic– I am not dissecting this anymore let’s move on
  • Set up the documents and tentative headers for the vignettes. Those are the ones I wanna tackle this week. See more below.
  • Actually opened the wix site on this laptop because I’d previously only been logged in on my work computer (don’t tell my boss) and couldn’t remember the password and used that as the sole excuse for barely touching it. Lil mental hangups, man, I swear.


  1. Fan – Content Relationship
    • Relatability and Connection
    • Bullseye Model
    • Fan’s separation of content from its community
    • Fictional content v. IRL content
  2. Fan – Community Relationship
    • Inclusion
      • Support Systems
      • Belonging
    • Exclusion
      • Gatekeeping/Toxicity
      • Aversion (similar to separation section)
  3. Content – Community Relationship
    • Canon v. Fanon
    • Creative Influence
    • Content Curation/Fan Works
    • Career Paths
  4. Fandom v. The World
    • apologize in triplicate for the reference to Scott Pilgrim v. The World
    • External Stigma
    • “Nerd” fandoms v. mainstream “fandoms”
    • Is it fandom? (a look at politics and religion lmao)

I’m… happy with how it’s coming. Plus I don’t feel as pressured to do these, since they’re going to be pretty short.

This is a pretty short update post, but I’m looking forward to working on the vignettes. Plus I want to get a sketch of the homepage idea done so I can start really getting a design conversation going with my artist buds. Bless their souls for putting up with me.


big exhale.




where to even begin

I think the collective mood of us all is going to be: tired.

The past two weeks have been just… increasingly mentally draining.

I really don’t know why the self-docs have me struggling so much. The YouTube one especially. I’d like to say it’s done, but it’s not. As of now, 2:30pm Sunday, at least.

The site itself. I think I’m going with a Wix site. I just have to figure out how Wix works. It’s so complex and the ideas I have for the site are so simple so it feels like when I’m working with a template wix page, I’m deconstructing the whole thing, or it’s just not allowing for what I want. I need to look at it again, look around online.

I want to get started on other things, though, too. Like revisiting my old sources. And the vignettes. I’d like to do 5 of those. How long they should be, though… sigh… I don’t know. The self-docs came out to 6 pages each, or at least that’s what they are now, and I don’t know if I just don’t know how to shut up or I’m struggling with being concise. And concise is what I need for the vignettes.

But anyway.

I wrote up these topics a few weeks back for the vignettes:

  • Separation of content and community
  • Fandom communities as support systems
  • Fiction v. IRL fandoms
  • External stigma
  • Internal stigma – i.e., gatekeeping, toxicity
  • Creative influence
  • The Bullseye model one of my interviewees made up regarding levels of fan membership
  • Fandom as a culture (internal ethics/criticisms)
  • Content curation

For the sake of time, I’ll probably condense some.

I’m trying to do that now, think of how to do that, but… With everything going on lately, it’s almost hard to think. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed. Scratch that, I’m definitely overwhelmed. 

SCRATCH ALL THAT. YEAH I’M OVERWHELMED BUT I JUST GOT A BOOST OF–idk it was probably the three pieces of expired Halloween chocolate I ate–BUT ANYWAY.

  • Stigma (internal, external, gatekeeping, toxicity)
  • Fan-Content Relationship (Bullseye, separation, fiction v. IRL)
  • Fan-Community Relationship (support systems, belonging, inclusion/exclusion, relate to stigma)
  • Content-Community Relationship (canon v. fanon, content curation, creative influence, fan works, career paths)

Am. Am I seeing some kinda trifecta model here? Fan-Content-Community… E y e. Is this a breakthrough. is this what a breakthrough is like.

It makes sense. The fan as the individual. The fan’s relationship with the content, the fan’s relationships with the community. And the relationship between the content and the community. Those. Could cover the topics I listed.

I think it needs refining, of course. Maybe the stigma vignette handles fandom’s place in society overall, the external stuff, and the more internal stuff will go under “fan-community”–bruh. I gotta think on this. But hoo boy do I love when things come in threes. Wow. A literary dream.

Okay, suddenly I feel a bit better about this. I gotta keep thinking about that fourth one, though, but I do think it’s necessary to see all this tri-relationship bs as it relates to “the outside,” y’know what I mean? Like local v. fandom Twitter. Wow. Coming full circle.

Okay, I’m gonna ruminate on this. See y’all tomorrow over videochat.

After I come home from my job which I apparently still have to come on campus for.


it’s emo hour, huh

What better way to get in the feels of talking about anime than watching anime, amirite?

Stars Align is too real, y’all. And given is lovely.

But anyway.


  • Self-Docs (as of 9:30am Monday morning; I’ll edit with more progress)
    • Edited Nancy Drew entry – gotta add in that Jenkins plug
    • Restarted the YouTube one
    • Mostly done with the anime one
    • K-Pop is coming along
    • Intro exists  || 1pm don’t tell my boss edit: SHE’S P MUCH DONE.

My biggest issue with anime and K-Pop is that I feel like I have 78969 things to say, but I gotta pick and choose where to put what. Do I go into fanfiction and cultural stigma (and 10 other things) in my self doc or a vignette? Or do I just put as much as it applies to my own experiences in the self doc and save the rest for the vignette? And if so, where is that line?

I get why the panic sets around this time now.

  • The final site
    • Thinglink! Made an account for that. I’m thinking a thinglink for a homepage on a wordpress site. I vaguely recall there being issues with something like that, so I’ll have to snoop around.
    • The imagery I initially had for the homepage was a tree (like the one the player starts at in my e-lit piece from way back when; I’m debating asking two of my artist friends to help me out with it) with the different elements of this project at the different points of the tree (i.e., theory at the roots or something). So clicking on them via the thinglink would take the user to another page with that content on it. It’s really not that deep, just an aesthetic thing.
    • Current possible organization:
      • Roots: theory discussion (mini lit review?), acknowledgements, explanation of the project
      • *Trunk: Vignettes + Term Glossary (?)
      • *Inner/lower branches: Interviews + Self-Docs
      • Outer/upper branches: “coming soon” links for ODDNights (e-lit piece WIP), the eventual podcast I wanna do, and the eventual Let’s Play YouTube channel I wanna do
    • I’m kind of thrown by whether I should switch around the two that I put asterisks next to. Ugh. It’s messing with my head, so I’m gonna leave it here and hopefully we can talk it out in class … … … maybe the theory discussion can be the trunk and the acknowledgements and other kind of behind the scenes kinda stuff can be the roots…………. sigh.


  • Oh yeah also I got approved for Research Days.

I ain’t gonna say I’m nervous because I know it’ll be a fun time to talk about my project. Over the past week I’ve talked to at least 5 different people about it (airing concerns and doubts and future hopes post-thesis) and they’ve seemed interested and reassuring, so…………………

I think I can handle 15 minutes. The question is, will I be able to stop? jdklsjkl

For now, though! I keep working! And try! Not! To panic!

See y’all tomorrow.