In my other course this semester, we spent a minute talking about what people’s pronouns are. And while I think this is a useful and caring thing to do, I also think some attention should be paid to what people’s adjectives are. How they are feeling, what emotions they are currently experiencing. I think asking people to define not only their pronouns, but their adjectives, gives so much more insight into how a person is, more so than who a person is.
This week, my adjectives are calm/hopeful/relieved.
This week’s activities really helped me to calm down and focus on what I actually need to accomplish. Something that bubbled up to the surface for me was that I am actually hopeful about this project, despite the anxieties and obstacles I’m facing. One of those main obstacles is the anxiety of being “spread too thin,” and it’s one that I struggle with not only academically, but in my daily life as a working mom, and now a caregiver to my father, who’s experiencing some serious health issues. (Sort of the inspiration for a big piece of my thesis project.). But having that hope, along with a concrete roadmap of where I should be going, and what I should be doing, is really helpful. Like I’ve said before, I can handle anything, as long as I know what it is; it’s the unknown that I feel I can’t prepare for.
And I’m also hopeful about my project because it’s something I actually care about. (This week, I could really feel the emotion, not only in myself, because I wear me emotions on my sleeve, but also in the emotions of some of my classmates.) It’s a personal project for me, to help me deal with that very same unknown. And that’s where I think a major direction of my Thesis Proposal is going to go: into the unknown. (And now that song from Frozen is stuck in my head!) But honestly, there isn’t very much on my genre (speculative memoir) and I think that will actually serve nicely as the “gap” I’m identifying, and that hopefully, my research will fill. I was very nervous that what I was doing was somehow not “novel” enough, but I believe, aside from the story, that forging a path into a new-ish genre fits that bill. And, again, the reason for my choosing this project is to help work through past trauma, as well as to prepare for anticipated trauma, and have a solid plan for what will happen when what seems inevitable finally comes to pass.
I’m also very relieved at the format of the Literature Review, and I think it will help me add credibility to the piece I’m working on. Another piece to my research, for this thesis project, as well as for informing what I’m currently experiencing in my family, with regards to my father, is to learn more about some of the things that are ailing him, so that we can deal with it. In this case, my research for this class will closely mirror some of the research I’ve already been doing, but in a much more formal way. (Although, thankfully, somewhat less formal than the research I did for Dr. Nelson’s class!) I really appreciate, though, how my journey as a writer is sort of a sidecar to my journey as a person, following the same curves and bumps, the same path, in parallel.